Posts by Ponyo

12

Learning To Believe Again

by The_Seeker in

i was raised a jw and left the organization when i was 18 years old.

many thought i left because i wanted to live a life full of drugs, sex, and rock and roll, which was not true at all.

i left because i realized that these people had no idea what they were talking about and were simply parroting what the, " society " , told them to believe.

Ponyo

How beautiful seeker. Thanks for sharing. I feel as though I’m starting my own journey in a similar way.

72

What was the biggest thing that convinced you that

by Ponyo in

.....the truth was not the truth... ?

.

Ponyo

That’s an interesting thought Xanthippe, I kind of agree... why not just kill the serpent

72

What was the biggest thing that convinced you that

by Ponyo in

.....the truth was not the truth... ?

.

Ponyo

So many amazing comments. Muddy waters your comments gave me the shivers! 😮

38

I'm so confused, help?

by Ponyo in

i want to share my story.

(might be a tad long).

i have no idea where i stand anymore regarding being a jw and where i stand in my marriage.. im 28 years old and the years are certainly ticking by.

Ponyo

Thanks ruby456 it’s definirely worth a try.

Deep down though I know we never had chemistry, or I never felt it with him. I ignored it or I guess I hoped it would grow.

I start counselling in a couple of days so might start couples counselling after that.

72

What was the biggest thing that convinced you that

by Ponyo in

.....the truth was not the truth... ?

.

Ponyo

I agree stuckinarut, the internet sure does make it easier now to see the light

38

I'm so confused, help?

by Ponyo in

i want to share my story.

(might be a tad long).

i have no idea where i stand anymore regarding being a jw and where i stand in my marriage.. im 28 years old and the years are certainly ticking by.

Ponyo

“And you want to blow all that away on a fantasy ?

Maybe you should never have got married in the first place

And most certainly not have had two children to your husband .

How do you think he would feel if he was able to read your post.?

Maybe he would be far better off without you .

And if you dumped him for your fantasy boyfriend ?

And what ripples all that would send about your immediate family ,your parents his parents your children and all those close to both you and your husband.?

Think of the consequences and their are always consequences”

of course there are consequences. Of course i shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place. Of course I shouldn’t have had children, they werent planned; or course my husband is better off without me.

What if he read this post?

Well I’ve already talked to him about my feelings.

obviously i wouldnt be talking about it if I was happy. The fact is. I’m not happy, I don’t feel any chemistry. I never want to kiss him, I feel nothing. I feel Numb. I settled and married him for the wrong reasons obviously and I need to deal with it.

im not stupid, I know this is selfish. I know I made a mistake. I’m just now realising what a huge mistake it was and how this affects someone else so hugely as well.

anyway thanks for replying. Yes I’m getting counselling.

38

I'm so confused, help?

by Ponyo in

i want to share my story.

(might be a tad long).

i have no idea where i stand anymore regarding being a jw and where i stand in my marriage.. im 28 years old and the years are certainly ticking by.

Ponyo

Thanks for that video link Deegee. That was a good watch

72

What was the biggest thing that convinced you that

by Ponyo in

.....the truth was not the truth... ?

.

Ponyo

Mmmmm very interesting

38

I'm so confused, help?

by Ponyo in

i want to share my story.

(might be a tad long).

i have no idea where i stand anymore regarding being a jw and where i stand in my marriage.. im 28 years old and the years are certainly ticking by.

Ponyo

Incognito - yes thank you. You are right, I have made most of the choices in my life because of others. Time to start making them for myself, and maybe time to follow my heart for once in my life. But I’m gonna need counselling for a while and some serious thinking. This may be a long journey for me but I’m gonna trust in it and trust that everything will be okay.

Thanks for for the links too guys I’ll check them out 🙏🏻

P.s how does everyone do the yellow highlighted link?

38

I'm so confused, help?

by Ponyo in

i want to share my story.

(might be a tad long).

i have no idea where i stand anymore regarding being a jw and where i stand in my marriage.. im 28 years old and the years are certainly ticking by.

Ponyo

Thanks guys. This really helps me. I’m trying to take my time with this and realise I’m on a journey different to any other I’ve been on in my life and it can’t be rushed.

You know after a couple of weeks of researching and reading COC and then re-reading my post, I realise my upbringing wasn’t so great after all ☹️ I’ve just been severely brainwashed.

My mum not once in my life has told me to ‘trust yourself’ ‘believe in yourself’ ‘you’ve got this’ ‘you can do whatever you set your mind to’ ‘be confident in your abilites’

no...., always been, ‘rely on jehovah, don’t rely on yourself’ ‘the heart is treacherous, don’t trust it’, ‘pray and jehovah will work it out to you’ ‘don’t trust yourself to make good decisions’

well... I never knew how to do that. How do I rely on God to make these choices for me? 😞

I’m starting to realise now just how brainwashed I was ... or am.

I now know why I always felt guilt my whole life and always in fear of making the wrong choice for displeasing God or displeasing man. I don’t want to raise my kids this way. I wish I had backed myself more and had some back bone with the things I wanted for myself.

I’m in a real predicament. If I stay with my husband, I will be unhappy, I’ll be okay.. but I’ll be unhappy and I’ll have a hole in my life and soul and the other aspect is if I leave the org, we will have conflict raising the kids unless I can get him to see ttatt.

On the other hand, if I leave to be with someone else, I choose a worldly life, most likely be DF, lose a lot of my family and friends but the real heart breaker for me is the kids will be far from their dad and he will be far from then, for a while anyway, until I can get on my feet to support myself and hubby would move close to his kids he says (yes we have had big talks about all this)

thank you for your comments, they do help a lot. I’m starting counselling next week, and luckily I’ve made one or two amazing worldly friends over the years who will be there for me.

Much love 🙏🏻